Thirsty?
I swear he just stepped out of a trailer park. Heaven’s highest rent trailer park. His polyester robes flow, his synthetic white wig gently floats upon an artificial wind, and with a shining electric guitar he sings praises to…milk. Yes milk.
It’s disturbing, really.
And what exactly is it? A branded community called White Gold is White Gold. A leading ad campaign meant to encourage today’s youth that milk is more than nutritious and delicious, it is downright cool. This week’s assignment led me to www.whitegoldiswhitegold.com, as we were asked to explore an online advertising community meant to target an audience to the extent that they seek exposure to the product as entertainment.
To lose the appalling Jack Black, Steven Tyler, Michael the Arch Angel hybrid, I clicked an icon at the top of the screen. Instead of sweet escape, McNasty was back; this time transformed into a loincloth wearing Tarzan with a veritable pelt of chest hair. His message was basically the same as before: strong teeth, strong bones, strong bod.
So by now I’m supposed to be overcome with desire. No, not for the musical spokesman, but for the delightful goodness straight from the cow’s udder. Milk. Surprisingly, the converse has happened. I am actually ashamed that I ever poured a glass to accompany my cookie, that I used to take pride in a milk mustache, and that once upon a time my mother produced some especially for me.
The website plays on tired themes that appeal to young teenagers and frat boys alike. The worse the hair, tackier the songs, and random the raunch, the more successful the sell. But I am still confused as to why the “got milk” campaign is taking such an elementary approach with lyrics like “the way to tame the white tiger, is to set the milk beside her”. Is that supposed to gross me out? It kind of does, although I am confident it is just another empty and pointless verse meant to rob me of my time and prod my subconscious into wanting some dairy.
Let me repeat, it failed. I do not want milk. Not now, not for a long time.
Sure, I laughed when I visited White Gold is White Gold, I also cringed. I got my fill a little too quickly, closed my laptop, switched on the T.V. and was welcomed by an iPod commercial. Ah the sweet sophisticated class of Apple. They make white beautiful.
Now to be fair, I will admit that I have never been milk’s biggest fan; at least, not since 3rd grade. Ben Atchison, the class science geek, and therefore a favorite classmate of mine, told me about the percentage of milk composed of dead skin cells sloughed from the udder walls. I remember the strong urge to gag as my favorite childhood drink became a daily horror.
This advertising campaign could have been an opportunity to refresh milk’s image. Failure. Udder failure. Now, maybe if they’d convinced Jude Law to be the milkman I would be a heck of a lot more thirsty.
